


Man's Best Friend

by intellexual_asexual



Series: Ego Short Stories [7]
Category: Markiplier TV (Web Series), Unus Annus - Fandom, Who Killed Markiplier? (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, and i started typing lsdfkjsljdfd, and its 11 pages long skdjgghjdfd, i saw one (1) comment about this concept, literally i made an entire separate document for this, no beta we die like actor mark, wow i am actually insane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28944915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intellexual_asexual/pseuds/intellexual_asexual
Summary: Eric Derekson makes a new friend... he thinks.
Relationships: Eric Derekson & Hee Hoo
Series: Ego Short Stories [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106381
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	Man's Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

> If any of you comment "oh my god!! eric and heehoo my otp!!" i will slaughter you /hj slkglsfjkd. This is just for funsies, as THEY ARE NOT FUCKING, i repeat, the baby boy and the naked feral man ARE NOT FUCKING ldskjflkg. I head canon that HeeHoo basically acts like a wild dog, and Eric just happened to be the one to 'tame' him. Anyway, enjoy!

Out of all of the egos to possibly greet HeeHoo to the Manor, it just _had_ to be Eric Derekson.

Eric—poor sweet, innocent, Eric—was outside when it happened. When that _thing_ approached him. He was just admiring King’s small flower garden, when all of a sudden this huge, naked man (except for the black and white socks he wore) crawled over to him.

Eric admittedly overreacted, with a shriek to rival Yan’s, as he backed away from it. Once he was over his initial shock, Eric looked at the man closer. Was that… _was that a new ego?!_

The man sat like a dog, cautious since Eric yelled like that. He tilted his head and made a noise, something along the lines of “Huurrgh?”

Eric swallowed nervously. If this was a new ego, Eric had several questions. Including, but not limited to: how was he able to be here? Why couldn’t he speak English? And for the love of God, where were his clothes?!

Eric approached the dog—MAN. Eric approached the MAN and stuck out his hand, hoping that Fischbach had scripted that the new ego had his rabies shot. “H-Hello. My n-name is… is E-Eric.”

The clambered closer to Eric, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little terrified. The new ego thankfully didn’t bite Eric’s hand off, opting instead to sniff it all over as Eric asked, “D-Do you h-have a-a name?”

The man stopped sniffing Eric’s hand and scared him more by saying, with surprising clarity, “HeeHoo.”

But then he was back to making grunting noises, as he crawled away from Eric and towards the Manor. That would not be good: chances are that the first Iplier HeeHoo would run into would be Wilford Warfstache, and Wilford had a tendency to greet new people with his trusty pink gun.

“W-Wait! You d-don’t w-want… don’t w-want to g-go i-in there!”

Eric hurried after the naked man and luckily managed to reach the glass doors in time. He backed up to the doors and faced HeeHoo. “I-I don’t kn-know if they’ll… they’ll like y-you!”

HeeHoo softly growled at Eric, and the timid ego realized that he was trying not to scare him again. Eric was obviously still a bit spooked, though. It’s not everyday that a new sibling shows up naked and acting like a wild animal.

Suddenly, HeeHoo stopped growling and sniffed the air. He crawled away from the glass doors and the Manor, and towards the backyard again. Eric decided to follow him and make sure none of his other siblings… _greeted_ the new Iplier.

HeeHoo stopped toward the very back of the yard and kept his nose in the air. Eric noticed that he seemed to be heading toward the picnic tables, which the Ipliers set up when King arrived and decided that they weren’t getting outside enough. Eric also noticed an abandoned bag of chips sitting on the middle picnic table.

HeeHoo realized it was there at the same time as Eric, as he leaped up on the table and started scarfing them down. Except… _what the fuck?_

The chips had turned out to be Takis, as Eric found out from HeeHoo sucking the dust off of them and spitting them back out like bullets. Eric wasn’t appalled, he was just very, very concerned. Was HeeHoo a projection of some weird fetish of Fischbach’s? 

HeeHoo finished off the Takis and hopped down off of the picnic table. He ran at Eric, scaring the living daylights out of him again, before slowing down and trotting around his feet. Eric was even more concerned now. What was HeeHoo doing?

The naked ego made a “Hurrgrfff!” sound before looking back and forth between Eric and the door to the Manor several times. Eric got the message, but he was still unsure whether he should let HeeHoo inside yet. He seemed like a more outdoor ego anyway, like the King of the Squirrels or Illinois Smith. Maybe he could just dump him onto them?

But Eric looked down at HeeHoo and realized that he didn’t want to do that. Not only was that inconsiderate, but the naked ego was starting to grow on him. Sure, it had only been, like, five minutes, and Eric was still a little afraid of HeeHoo, but he felt that they could become close friends.

Eric smiled, making up his mind. He was going to try his best to keep HeeHoo from being manhandled by his siblings. “OK, W-We might b-be able… be able t-to get in n-now.”

HeeHoo made another noise, this time a “Prrrroww!!” as the two headed for the Manor entrance.

  
  


~ ꕤꕤꕤꕤꕤ ~

  
  


This was not one of Eric’s better ideas.

Eric and HeeHoo had managed to get through the Manor unbothered (which was odd, but then again, Host probably saw this coming and decided to intervene. He’d have to thank him later). Eric was surprised to see that there wasn’t a new door in the bedroom hallway. If HeeHoo didn’t have a room to sleep in, and Eric wasn’t evil enough to let him sleep outside…

“H-Here’s your n-new room!”

Eric opened the door to his bedroom and let HeeHoo crawl inside. Eric’s room was probably not the best place for a feral ego, but it would have to do.

The room was painted a pastel yellow, and all of the furniture was white. Eric had multiple pillows stacked up on his bed, and he slept with them all, of course. It’s a wonder he didn’t break his neck, though. Along the walls are several puzzles that he and Yan had completed. Well, mostly him. Yan usually found maybe one piece and spent the rest of the time talking Eric’s ear off. But he never minded, he liked having someone to talk to.

Eric’s room was also full to the brim of small objects like paper clips, balls of paper, and fidget toys. The dresser, closet, and wall shelves were packed full of the things. The small knick knacks were even intruding on the cabinet where Eric stacked his various blankets.

Eric _loved_ blankets. It didn’t matter whether they were large or small, thick or thin, Eric loved them all. They were his big comfort item, and he even had one that King and Yancy made him a few months ago on the very top of the pile.

Eric shut the door to his room as he walked to the cabinet and pulled some out. He said to HeeHoo, “U-Usually th-there would b-be… be a new r-room for you, b-but I didn’t see anoth-ther one out th-there. It looks like… l-looks like you’ll be s-sleeping with m-me!”

...Now that Eric really thought about it, having a naked stranger sleep on his floor didn’t seem like such a good plan. 

But it was too late for Eric to get HeeHoo out. As soon as Eric had formed some sort of nest on the floor with the blankets and some of Eric’s less treasured pillows, HeeHoo slinked onto it. He padded around in circles for a few seconds, before messing up the nest and dragging out a single thick, purple blanket from the new messy pile. He snatched a red pillow and sat down on the blanket in the dog pose he was in earlier.

Eric sighed as he grabbed the pile of blankets and dumped them on his bed. He’d deal with them later. 

Eric turned back to HeeHoo and saw him curled up on the blanket with the pillow in his arms. Eric smiled as he reached for the door. He was going to get something for him and HeeHoo for lunch, until HeeHoo growled again.

Eric froze. He let his hand fall from the door knob, and the growling ceased. Eric turned back to HeeHoo, who was now most definitely asleep, and tried to grab the doorknob again. HeeHoo growled once more.

Eric did this a few more times, and found that HeeHoo only growled when Eric was close enough to leaving the room. Eric didn’t want to attract attention to his room and HeeHoo, so he stopped and sighed again. At least now he could deal with the blankets.

As he was folding the blankets and putting them away, with HeeHoo snoring loudly behind him, Eric silently started begging for Host to come by his room. Hopefully the blind Iplier heard his pleas and helped him.

No sooner than Eric had finished putting up the last blanket, there was a knock at his door. He tensed up but relaxed immediately as he heard, “The Host requests to enter Eric Derekson’s room.”

“Y-You can c-come i-in, Host.”

Host quickly opened and closed the door, which was good since HeeHoo had woken up. He got up from the blanket and creeped toward Host and his platter of food.

“The Host sensed Eric Derekson was hungry but unable to leave his room, so he brought him some food. The Host has also brought the newest ego some food and water.”

“Y-You’re a-a lifesaver, H-Host!” Eric said as he took the tray from him, and handed the family sized bag of Takis to HeeHoo wearily.

HeeHoo took them as gently as Eric handed them to him, but once Eric let go the naked ego dashed back to the blanket. Eric quickly cleared the big platter as he said “W-Wait!!” 

HeeHoo looked curiously at him, his mouth already stuffed with Takis. Eric set it down on the blanket carefully as HeeHoo deposited the sucked Takis onto it a moment later, not breaking eye contact with Eric.

Eric backed away and ate some of his own food, trying not to look at the Taki tray. He asked Host, “W-What are we g-going to… going to d-do? I d-don’t want him t-to get sh-shot or something!”

“The Host assures Eric Derekson that none of the Ipliers are going to harm their new sibling, even if he is a bit, ah… wild.”

At this, HeeHoo made a “Rrrrrghfff!” noise and began gnawing on the red pillow, having already finished off the Takis. 

Eric groaned. “B-But you know h-how Wilf-ford gets, I don’t w-want—”

“Eric Derekson sounds like he is… attached to the new ego.”

HeeHoo must have heard the slightly dangerous tone in Host’s voice, and he ran in front of Eric and loudly growled at Host. 

“...the Host was mistaken. It sounds like the new ego is attached to Eric Derekson.”

“Grrraaaggh” was the noise HeeHoo made as he glared at Host and circled around Eric, almost protectively.

Host was smiling now, as he said, “It now seems that Eric has a new companion. HeeHoo will act as Eric Derekson’s guard dog for the duration of his stay at the Manor.” 

Eric, eyes wide, asked, “W-What? What d-do you m-mean ‘g-guard… guard dog’? And wh-what about h-his s-stay?! Host!”

But Host didn’t answer either of Eric’s questions as he left Eric’s room and said, “The Host will leave Eric Derekson and HeeHoo alone now.”

And Eric was left to deal with his new friend as he finally tore open the pillow and sent the stuffing flying everywhere.

  
  


~ ꕤꕤꕤꕤꕤ ~

  
  


The first person Eric ran into with HeeHoo was Darkiplier himself. Wonderful. Just great. That was fantastic.

Eric thought of every other sarcastic comment that meant “Oh joy,” in case Host was listening, as Dark approached him and his… friend.

“Derekson.” Dark nodded and looked pointedly at the feral man at Eric’s feet, who was slightly growling at the Dark. “What is this?”

“H-His name is… is H-HeeHoo, sir. He’s a-a n-new ego.”

Eric flinched at the glare Dark sent his way, but Dark immediately replaced it with a look of mild bemusement. “I apologize, Eric. I am not angry at you, this… _thing_ is not your fault. Perhaps I will pay Fischbach a visit tonight.”

“S-Sir, with a-all due resp-pect, HeeHoo is… i-is just as m-much o-of an ego as me a-and you.”

Eric thought for sure that Dark was going to yell at him, but instead Dark exhaled and said, “I suppose you are correct. However, Fischbach could not have created a more… _chaotic_ character.”

Eric laughed nervously. “I-I think you’re f-forgetting about W-Wilford, s-sir.”

Dark chuckled and replied, as he walked away, “You’re right about that, Derekson.”

He threw over his shoulder, “Just make sure your new friend doesn’t tear the house apart, would you?”

And Eric turned back around from watching Dark leave that HeeHoo had taken off without him, and he rushed forward with a “Y-Yes, sir!” as he attempted to follow Dark’s direction.

  
  


~ ꕤꕤꕤꕤꕤ ~

  
  


The second and third people Eric ran into with HeeHoo were Yandereplier and Yancy.

They were baking something— _without him_ , how rude—when Eric finally managed to catch up with HeeHoo, who, from Yan’s scream, was apparently terrifying the two of them. 

“AAHHHHHHH!!! What the _fuck_ is that?!”

“Aight, which one’a youse let Doc experimen’ again?!”

Eric ran into the kitchen to find Yan had hopped up on the counter and was attempting to ward HeeHoo off with a wooden spoon, which wasn’t working since it was covered in some vanilla scented substance that HeeHoo was interested in. Yancy had a spray bottle filled with God-knows-what pointed towards HeeHoo, and he was repeatedly saying, “I’s gonna do it to youse, don’t make me do dis!”

“Stop! HeeHoo, g-get back, p-please!”

HeeHoo turned around to see Eric upset, and he promptly backed away from Yan and the spoon to comfort Eric. HeeHoo sat obediently by Eric as Yancy sat the bottle down and said, “Dat’s one ugly pooch ya got dere, Sun.”

Eric flushed at the nickname, as he usually did, and replied, “H-HeeHoo isn’t… isn’t a d-dog, he’s a n-new ego! B-Be nice t-to h-him!”

Eric could tell HeeHoo wanted to growl or something at Yancy, but Eric patted his head once and he settled for whining. 

Yan still looked extremely freaked out, but they managed to say, “He’s a _new ego_?! Is Fischbach insane, why did he make a canonically _naked and feral_ ego?! How did he get here anyway, and how did you manage to tame him??”

Eric bit his lip. “I-I don’t know. I was outs-side earlier and… and h-he just _a-appeared_. I d-don’t know h-how I ‘tamed’ h-him, ei-either.”

Yancy was still looking at HeeHoo suspiciously, but Yan seemed to recover from her fright as they jumped down from the counter. She walked up to HeeHoo and let him sniff their hand. HeeHoo seemed to approve of Yan as he started circling around her, and Yan said, “So, HeeHoo, huh? Did you pick that name out yourself, Eric? I would’ve named him something like ‘Unga’ or ‘Bunga’ but I guess HeeHoo’s close enou—OW!”

HeeHoo must have understood the jab, since he bit Yan’s hand and they backed away. Yancy asked, “Hey now, I’s thought youse had dat ding tamed?”

Eric crossed his arms and replied, “H-He’s not a-a _thing_ , he’s… h-he’s one of u-us, a-and you’d d-do good to r-rememb-ber it!”

Eric turned back out of the kitchen with HeeHoo at his side. He didn’t see Yan and Yancy exchange huge smiles as he walked away, proud that he was finally sticking up for himself.

...well, sticking up for one of his friends. But it was close enough.

  
  


~ ꕤꕤꕤꕤꕤ ~

  
  


The final egos that Eric and HeeHoo ran into that first day were Unus and Annus, funnily enough.

Eric had been giving HeeHoo a tour of the Manor (which was really less of a tour and more Eric just supervising HeeHoo as he wandered aimlessly around) when the two egos walked toward them. Unus was the first one to spot the naked Iplier.

“Annus, Annus, look! It’s you!”

Annus had been looking out the window at the end of the hallway when Unus tugged on his arm and pointed to Eric and HeeHoo. He turned around and his eyes widened, before he sighed and facepalmed. Unus just giggled as HeeHoo ran up to them.

Annus said, “For the love of God, why did the fans decide to like _him_?”

Eric walked up to them as HeeHoo sniffed the pair intently. “S-So he r-really i-is… really is a n-new ego?”

Unus’ grin only got wider as he told Eric, “Yeah, we filmed this sort of documentary thing about me driving Annus past the point of insanity, and HeeHoo was his new cryptid name. Hey look, Annus, he likes you!”

HeeHoo was attempting to hop onto Annus, his intentions unknown. Annus backed away with a look of disgust and said, “Yeah, well, I don’t like him. God, why did I ever agree to getting naked on camera?”

Eric tilted his head, curious, as HeeHoo chased Annus around. “W-What? So y-you two… you t-two made H-HeeHoo? Th-This wasn’t F-Fischbach’s w-work?”

“Oh, no,” Unus replied, as Annus screamed and continued trying to outrun the naked man. “Fischbach and Nestor made HeeHoo. We just provided the footage, y’know? They ask for a video and we film it. That’s how the whole channel is, actually.”

Eric hummed and called HeeHoo back. He looked up from his position on top of Annus, and bounded back over to Eric. Annus got up shaking, his eyes still wide. Unus laughed and asked Eric, “Woah, is HeeHoo your dog or something? Oh my God, Annus, I didn’t know you were into that!”

Annus scowled at his partner as he took a breath and straightened out his suit. “I am not into that, OK? And don’t you dare ask me if I’m a masochist, then, because the answer will always be ‘no.’ ”

Unus snickered and asked anyway, “Are you a masochist, then, Annus?!”

Annus shrieked and ran at Unus, as he ran away giggling. Eric could see how HeeHoo came from Annus now, as the ego in the white suit clambered after his counterpart.

  
  


~ ꕤꕤꕤꕤꕤ ~

  
  


It was just after dinner when Dark approached Eric again. 

Eric had left HeeHoo in his room, in the hopes that the feral Iplier wouldn’t absolutely destroy his room while he ate with the others. He had snuck in a bottle of water and a few bags of Takis, and left HeeHoo alone. He had curled up on the blanket again and ripped open a bag of Takis as Eric quickly left the room. Eric left in a hurry, and while HeeHoo was distracted, because he didn’t want the naked man to start growling again.

He was on his way back to his room to check on HeeHoo when Dark materialized in his path. “Derekson.”

Eric jumped and pulled out his handkerchief, wringing it nervously as he asked, “Y-Yes, sir?”

Dark stepped forward and took Eric’s hand, teleporting them outside. Eric’s eyes widened when he saw what was now in the backyard.

It looked like a portal into another realm, which was no doubt what it actually was. The realm beyond the lime green doorway was a forest clearing, which Eric recognized immediately to be the same area Unus and Annus were filming their week of Campus Annus. Eric gasped in shock at the realization of what was going to happen.

“I visited the Septics today, and Marvin graciously made this portal so we can... send HeeHoo off.”

Dark looked at Eric and raised an eyebrow. He did not expect the shy Iplier to be frowning.

“W-What? But i-isn’t h-he one of… one o-of us?”

Eric looked at Dark as he said, “Eric, we do not have the proper… environment for this new ego to live in. It would be best if we let him live here, in his natural habitat.” Dark gestured to the portal.

  
Eric sighed. “I-I guess s-so, sir. I-I’ll go g-get him out o-of m-my room.”

“No need,” Dark said as he poofed away and back, holding onto HeeHoo’s shoulder when he reappeared.

HeeHoo looked extremely confused, but made a “Prrrowwwlllll!!” sound when he saw Eric. Eric had tears in his eyes, trying not to cry over what he was going to do.

  
  


~ ꕤꕤꕤꕤꕤ ~

  
  


Dark had thought he had seen it all, especially after the time Host turned Wilford’s hair into a tangle of worms. But this had to be the most absurd thing he had witnessed in the almost-decade since his creation.

There he was, witnessing a tearful goodbye— _tearful_ —between Eric Derekson and arguably the feralest person Dark had ever met. Dark almost had to pinch himself in an attempt to stop from rolling his eyes. He really didn’t want to hurt the timid ego’s feelings.

It wasn’t as if his ‘guard dog’ was being sent away forever: Marvin had made sure that Eric could enter the portal whenever he wished to, at Dark’s… _request_. Dark had indeed visited the Septics, but it had taken some _convincing_ to get Marvin on board with this stupid idea.

Finally, HeeHoo leaped into the portal and disappeared from view. Eric wiped his face with his handkerchief as the portal closed for the time being, and Dark explained that Eric could visit the naked man whenever he wanted to. Eric seemed to perk up at that, as he asked Dark how he could do it.

  
He showed him and left him in the yard, teleporting back to his office. He cracked his neck as he recited his speech to Fischbach in his mind, and teleported to the poor man’s bedroom. Dark would not be putting up with any more… _unhinged_ siblings ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this skjghkljfdk, HeeHoo is a fun character to write. Also this honestly turned out to be a crackfic, and no, I'm not sorry. As always, make sure to leave a comment if you liked this work, and don't be afraid to request another!


End file.
